


Still far away

by SuperEllen



Series: Sabriel interpretation of season 13 [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: As(s)modeus, Canon Compliant, Episode: s13e18 Bring 'em Back Alive, Hurt Gabriel (Supernatural), Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Castiel, Protective Sam Winchester, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 05:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14372076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperEllen/pseuds/SuperEllen
Summary: Gabriel is back, but not exactly in the way Sam would have wanted him to be.Sequel to “Found again”. Sam’s thoughts and feelings during the entire episode 13x18Bring 'em Back Alive





	Still far away

**Author's Note:**

> I have to say that, so far, season 13 is my absolute favorite. Because come on, they're clearly making Sabriel a thing! I watched episode 18 like five times in a row, and every time I squealed while watching the scenes with Sam and Gabriel together.  
> I wasn't sure if I was ever going to write a sequel for "Found again", but the last episode obviously inspired me to write this. It took me almost an entire week, but in the end I've decided that I'm going to write a story on every episode.
> 
> The dialogues and actions are taken almost entirely from the episode. The only differences are a few scenes that I added here and there, just to explain what happened when the camera wasn't on them. The story is still canon compliant, though.
> 
> I really hope you'll enjoy it. As always, I'm not using a beta reader and English is not my first language, so please be patient if you find any mistakes. Also, I wrote this in a rush and I didn't have any time to proofread it more than once. I'll do another reading at some point, but in the meantime I'm afraid that you'll have to live with the typos. Sorry!

* * *

**IN THE PAST**

* * *

They were kissing. The world was crumbling into pieces all around them, but all Sam could think about were their lips sealed together. Gabriel, his archangel, holding him close enough to keep him from falling apart. The Apocalypse was still about to happen, but at least Sam had a few more moments to fool himself into thinking that everything was going to be okay.

In a few minutes, Gabriel would have left. The archangel had to meet with Kali, make her believe he still loved her or something, steal their blood back from her so that they could all escape. His part to play in the plan was dangerous, but Sam didn’t like his own any better. He and his brother had to free all of the humans held in the freezer, help them escape, all while avoiding a conspicuous number of gods who were ready to kill them and eat them.

Soon they were going to be forced to separate, but not yet. Dean was still in the room he and Sam shared, preparing their stuff for their escape, so the younger Winchester could take yet another moment to kiss Gabriel at the other end of the hallway. Both hands fisted in Gabriel’s hair, Sam clung to the archangel as if his life depended on it. And, in a manner of speaking, it did. He couldn’t imagine what he could have ever done without his Gabriel.

He didn’t know that, in less than a couple of hours, he would have found himself in a situation where his beloved was no more. He didn’t know he was about to lose Gabriel, that the archangel was about to sacrifice himself for Sam. He couldn’t imagine Lucifer coming to the hotel and killing Gabriel. But it _did_ happen, Gabriel supposedly died, and Sam was once again left with nothing.

That, of course, until the day Gabriel came back.

* * *

**PRESENT DAY**

* * *

For the first time in eight years, Sam is alone with Gabriel. There is no-one else inside the bunker except for the two of them, yet the hunter doesn’t know what to do. All he knows is that he wants to help the archangel get better, help him get over the torture, the suffering he endured. But how is he going to do it? That is an entirely different story.

He finishes removing the stitches sealing Gabriel’s lips, tries to talk to the archangel. Nothing happens. Gabriel is silent, doesn’t even look at him. And Sam doesn’t know where to start to make him better. Maybe, he thinks, helping the archangel he loves is beyond his power. Maybe what he needs for this is real power, _angelic_ power.

He doesn’t want to do it, he feels guilty for it, but he has no other choice. He calls Cas. “It’s an emergency, you have to come back immediately” is all he says. The angel worries, asks questions, but Sam doesn’t answer any of them. He still doesn’t know how to tell Castiel that Dean is currently in the other world, with Ketch as his only backup.

“Gabriel is back, but it’s bad. I really think I need your help.” Sam hangs up the phone after he finishes speaking, hoping that Castiel would hurry up and get back to the bunker. Wherever he is, Sam hopes he’s no farther than a few hours driving. Right now, he really needs the angel. Gabriel is in crappy shape, and Sam can’t do it alone. He can’t look at the archangel in that condition without breaking, so he needs someone to be strong, someone to tell him what to do, to explain to him how to get Gabriel back to normal.

As soon as he hangs up the phone, Sam sighs. He can’t wait for Castiel to arrive.

In the meantime, however, he has to do something to help Gabriel himself. Hoping to make the archangel more comfortable, he moves Gabriel to one of the empty bedrooms. He chooses the one that’s located closer to his own, so that it can be easier to keep an eye on his guest. That is, however, if he finds the courage to leave the room in the first place. How can he leave Gabriel alone after what he’s been through?

Whatever he does, whatever he says, however, there is no reaction whatsoever from Gabriel. It’s like seeing the archangel from behind the window of a soundproof room. Gabriel is just there, close enough that Sam can touch him, yet still too far away, just out of his reach. Once again, the thought in Sam’s mind is that maybe Gabriel doesn’t remember him after all. If he remembered him, if he remembered what they had together, he would snap out of it. Their feelings were strong, and Sam’s still are, even after all this time. There is no way that the Gabriel he fell in love with could ignore him on purpose.

No, Gabriel just doesn’t remember him, that’s all. He just has to find a way to make him remember. But how can he explain to Gabriel what they’ve been? No words are enough to catch the true essence of what the two of them were together.

They were like day and night. The archangel, born to be good ad pure, killing folks for kicks; and the boy with the demon blood, created to be evil, yet struggling to save the world. They both ended up being the opposite of what destiny wanted them to be. That is one of the reasons why they got along so well. They knew they were meant for each other. In Sam’s mind, they still are. After all this time, nothing has really changed for him. He would do anything for Gabriel, to get his archangel back. He is ready to do anything in order to get things between them back to the way they used to be.

With a sigh, Sam helps Gabriel sit down on the bed. Every time Sam touches him, the archangel looks more and more terrified. Seeing Gabriel like that hurts, but Sam doesn’t know what else to do. The only thing he can do is hope for Castiel to get there fast. He sits down on a chair near the bed, tries talking to the archangel, but every single one of his words seems to fall on deaf ears. He’s not even sure Gabriel can hear what he’s saying, let alone understand it.

“Maybe you should try to sleep. I know angels don’t sleep, but right now you’re probably human enough to be able to benefit from a few hours of shut-eye” he tries to say. No reaction comes from Gabriel.

Sam tries to get Gabriel to lie down to rest, but the archangel just jerks away from his hands and dives to the floor, hiding himself in a corner of the room behind a dresser. Maybe, after having spent so much time as a prisoner, open spaces worry him. After all, Sam has no idea of the exact conditions in which he’s been held, even though he can take a pretty good guess just by looking at him. By the way Gabriel curls in on himself, he was probably kept in a pretty small cell, maybe even a cage.

Just thinking about it makes Sam mad. He’s spent years mourning the loss of the archangel, and for the entire time Gabriel wasn’t dead at all, he was kept prisoner like an animal and tortured. Sam should have rescued him. He would have rescued him, had he known Gabriel was alive. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live with that guilt again. Moving on after the death of a lover is one thing, but going on with his life while his lover is suffering… let’s just say this isn’t something Sam will be able to get over easily.

Taking a last good look at Gabriel, Sam leaves the room and turns off the light. He closes the door behind himself, allowing Gabriel to slowly adjust to the new environment. Maybe, if he gives the archangel some time, Gabriel will start feeling a little more comfortable with having people around. Sam waits for a few seconds outside the room, keeping his ears ready to detect any sign of movement from the other side of the door. Nothing. Gabriel is probably not moving at all.

Sam can’t do much more than shake his head and walk away. He tries to get some sleep, but after a little more than three hours he’s up again. He goes to check on Gabriel, finding him in the exact same spot he left him. The archangel hasn’t moved a single muscle during those hours. The moment Sam tries to approach him, however, he flinches once again. Reluctantly, the hunter retreats his hands.

“It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you. Just rest, Castiel will be here soon. I’m sure that he’ll be able to help” he says, but once again there is no sign that Gabriel even acknowledged that he’s been talking. And once again it hurts.

Sam is thinking about what else he can try, when he hears his phone vibrate. That muffled sound is enough to spook the archangel, and the human is reluctant when he has to look away in order to see who’s calling him. It’s Cas. He answers, trying to keep his voice low, so that Gabriel won’t be startled again. But, he soon realizes, the archangel is once again acting as if no-one is talking just a few feet away. He’s probably hiding once again inside his own mind.

The angel tells him that he just drove into Lebanon, meaning that he’s only a few minutes away from the bunker. This is the reason why, as soon as they hang up the phone, Sam walks out of the room once again, turning off the light and shutting the door. While he walks towards the war room, all he can think about is how he’s going to explain everything that’s going on to Cas. God, the angel is going to get so mad at him! He really has to choose his words wisely, while explaining about Dean being in another dimension with Ketch. If there’s anyone in the world who trusts Ketch even less than Sam does, that’s Castiel.

Sam only has time to pace around the war room for a few minutes before he hears the entrance door open. A moment later, Castiel is walking down the stairs. That’s the moment of truth. Sam can’t stay still while telling Cas about what happened, so he keeps moving around the bunker, going back and forth from the kitchen to the library, passing through the war room. The angel follows him, probably curious to see what he’s doing. While he speaks, Sam is putting the vial with what remains of Gabriel’s grace on a plate, covering it with a lid. When he finishes speaking, they’re walking down the hallway that leads to the bedrooms.

“Dean is in Apocalypse World alone?” is the first thing Castiel tries to ask. Sam is well aware that there is no good way to get around this subject.

“No, he’s with Ketch, so he’s not alone” the human replies, knowing all too well that his words aren’t going to make things easier to digest for his angelic friend. Castiel’s point is that Dean is in mortal danger, Sam can understand it even though Cas is not saying it aloud.

“Because that makes it so much better!” the angel retorts, and Sam finds himself wondering when his friend has become so good at sarcasm. Maybe it has something to do with all the time he usually spends with the Winchesters, especially with Dean. In a different circumstance, he would laugh at Castiel’s attitude. Now, however, he’s too worried to even find it funny.

“Cas, he wanted to go solo” Sam defends himself, even though he knows that he’s at fault. When Dean told him he couldn’t go, Sam protested, but in the end he accepted to stay behind because of Gabriel. If it hadn’t been for the archangel, he would have joined Dean in the other dimension, even against his brother’s will.

“And you let him?” Even Cas seems to be skeptical about the situation. The angel knows the Winchester brothers pretty well, after all, so now he’s probably suspecting that something is wrong with Sam for accepting to let Dean go without him. The hunter has to fight the urge to blush.

“I…” Sam is thinking about something to say, and he finally finds some words that might make Cas understand how delicate the situation is “He didn’t give me much of a choice. Anyways, Dean’s right. As long as he’s over there and we’re here, we need to be taking care of Gabriel, getting him right again.”

Sam’s heart beats a little faster every time he mentions the archangel’s name. He knows that Castiel can probably feel his discomfort, but he tries his best to act normal. He doesn’t want his friend to question the motives behind his actions with Gabriel. He really doesn’t want to explain his feelings to Cas, it has been painful enough when he told everything to Dean. He really doesn’t want to relive the same experience with Castiel as well.

The look that Cas’ eyes give him is one of understanding, or at least something pretty close to it. Maybe the angel is finally giving him the benefit of the doubt, and Sam doesn’t want to waste the opportunity by saying anything more. They stop in front of the door of Gabriel’s bedroom, and the hunter takes a deep breath before opening the door an taking a couple of steps inside. Castiel turns on the light while following him inside.

“Gabriel?” Sam calls, his voice low and slow. He doesn’t want to startle the archangel once again.

He takes a look around the room, but Gabriel is still there where he left him. The archangel is still sitting in the corner of the room that’s farther away from the door, hiding behind a dresser to be concealed from sight. He’s hugging his legs, his head bowed down. He really looks miserable, and every time Sam sees the archangel like that his heart breaks a little more. He would do _anything_ to see Gabriel go back to being himself.

“You didn’t tell me it was this bad” Cas uses his words to interrupt Sam’s thoughts. The hunter keeps looking at the archangel while he starts answering to his friend.

“Yeah, well, years of isolation and torture, and Asmodeus draining his grace” he starts saying, then he stops. He really doesn’t want to mention out loud what Gabriel has been through, in case the archangel is actually listening. The constant reminder of his experience won’t help him heal from it! So he decides to start doing something about it, to actually do something for Gabriel that might help him.

“Come here, help me out” the hunter says to Cas, moving a few more steps inside the room. He deposits the plate he’s holding on top of the dresser, then he walks to the other side of Gabriel and leans down a little.

“Hey, Gabriel. Hey, pal” he tries to call the archangel, but there’s no reaction. Sam even tries to touch Gabriel’s arm, and in that moment the broken archangel jerks away from him once again.

“Okay, oh” Sam shows his hands when he tries to calm Gabriel down again, to let him see that the human has no intention of hurting him “Just… gonna get you to the bed, alright? Let me – uh – help you up” he tries to soothe the archangel while both Castiel and himself try to help Gabriel get up and reach the bed. The broken creature follows their movements, probably because he feels forced to, but he doesn’t stop acting scared.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s okay,” Sam tries again while helping Gabriel sit down on the bed. As soon as he’s on the mattress, the archangel closes up again, siting in the same position as before: hugging his knees and looking down. The human tries his best to keep the hurt away from his face, but how can he? Seeing Gabriel like that is slowly and painfully killing him inside. Especially because he has tried too many times to make the archangel talk, but nothing seems to work.

“Gabriel, it’s Sam Winchester. Do you remember me?” This time, Sam kneels in front of the archangel and tries to jumpstart his memory.

“I don’t think he does” Castiel comments, and Sam turns his head enough to look at the angel. Yes, Cas is probably right. But the hunter can’t accept that Gabriel doesn’t remember him. After all they’ve shared in the past, maybe some memories of the two of them together may help him remember. Castiel, however, is still in the room, so he can’t say anything too personal. This is why he decides to stick with something that everybody knows about, such as the time Gabriel helped them stop the Apocalypse.

“Remember the video you sent to my brother Dean Winchester and me, after you… supposedly died? You told us how to stuff Lucifer back in the Cage” a little smile full of hope appears on Sam’s face when Gabriel moves by half an inch at the mention of Lucifer’s name. It means that he might remember his own brother, that’s not a good memory but at least it’s one. His eyes, however, are still hollow, and the smile immediately falls away from Sam’s lips.

“Sam, he doesn’t…” Cas starts to say. If Castiel says once again that Gabriel doesn’t remember, Sam is going to punch him in the face. He _knows_ that Gabriel doesn’t remember him, he doesn’t need an angel reminding him of the fact once again, just to rub it in his face! This is why he interrupts his friend before he can finish the sentence.

“I know he doesn’t!” his first few words are maybe a little harsh, but then he starts calming down while standing up once again “I’m just… trying to see if anything’s going on in his head.” The defeat is tangible in the tone of Sam’s voice. He knows he has to get a grip, if he wants to be of some help to Gabriel, so he tries once again to calm down.

“Alright, well.” Sam moves towards the dresser, lifting the lid off the plate he brought inside the room. He takes the vial with Gabriel’s grace from the plate, hoping that maybe it will be enough to help the archangel heal a little.

“Gabriel’s grace” he tells Castiel, holding the vial in front of him. The angel looks confused, but Sam keeps talking anyway “Ketch brought it. Maybe if he’s juiced up it’ll help.”

Sam opens the vial, holding it close to Gabriel’s face. The archangel, however, doesn’t open his mouth to take it in. Actually, he shies away, trying go get as far as possible from the grace without having to stand up and move from where he’s sitting. The hunter doesn’t understand this: why is Gabriel refusing to take his grace back? He should be happy to get it back, to make himself stronger. Then, of course, a terrible thought travels through Sam’s mind. Maybe Gabriel thinks that giving him his grace back is nothing more than a trick from his captors, that taking it back inside only means he’ll suffer even more when they’ll extract it from him once again. Sam really hates that such a terrible scenario actually makes sense.

“Sam, I don’t think he’s gonna open up and let the choo-choo in.” Sometimes, Sam really hates when Castiel opens his mouth and talks. _That_ is one of those moments. He’s sad enough because his attempts to help Gabriel aren’t working, he doesn’t need a condescending angel mocking his actions. But he takes in a deep breath, taking the time to think of something to say to Cas that’s not “Screw you”.

A moment of pause, then “A technique for feeding recalcitrant children. And…” Another pause. Castiel seems to be thinking about a new plan, one that works more than Sam’s inviting the archangel to take his grace back. Sam, however, isn’t sure he’s going to like Castiel’s idea.

“I think a little coercion may be necessary” the angel says, taking the vial of grace from Sam’s hands. The hunter is so perplexed that he lets Cas take the vial, but only when his hands are empty he realizes what his friend’s words are actually implying.

Are they going to force the grace down Gabriel’s throat? No, he doesn’t want to use any strength against the archangel. He’s already been through any imaginable kind of torture for who knows how long, and Sam really doesn’t want to be the one to add anything more to the violence that Gabriel has already received. On the other hand, however, he knows that Cas is right. If Gabriel is not taking his grace back on his own, they will have to make him take it. He needs it to get better, there is no other choice.

Sam is reluctant when he places his hands on Gabriel, trying to force his mouth open. He keeps his eyes closed, because he really doesn’t want to look at the archangel while he suffers. He doesn’t want to see that his own hands are the ones hurting and scaring the one he loves. He wouldn’t be able to keep holding Gabriel in place, if he saw. In the meantime, while Sam does his best to force the archangel’s mouth open, Castiel is trying to force him to take the grace. Their plan, however, is not working.

Gabriel grunts loudly while struggling to free himself from their grip. The moment he realizes that they’re doing more harm than good, Sam lets go of the archangel and tries to soothe him, but it doesn’t help. Gabriel bolts to the other side of the bed, hiding in the small nook between the wall and the bedside table. He’s once again curling in on himself in a defensive way, this time even covering his head with both arms. Sam feels his own heart break at the sight, especially because this time he knows he’s been the one to cause this reaction, and he’s mentally cursing himself for it.

He shouldn’t have listened to Castiel. When he called the angel to the bunker, he hoped he could be able to help. Right now, however, he’s regretting making that decision. Cas is not helping at all, he’s just making things worse. Standing beside him, however, the angel seems to realize the same thing, because his expression seems as bewildered as Sam’s own. Good, it means that maybe now he’s going to be more useful than harmful. Gabriel is already trying to process years of trauma, the last thing he needs is for his rescuers to add to the trauma instead of helping him alleviate the pain of that experience.

“Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea after all” Castiel states, and Sam doesn’t answer. He just glares towards the angel with an expression on his face that says “You think?” without the need of using any words.

“We should get out, give him some time to calm down, maybe rest a little” Sam suggests. He doesn’t want to leave the room, doesn’t want to leave Gabriel alone again, but he knows that it’s the right thing to do. The archangel is scared right now, he’s afraid of them. He’s afraid of _him_. They need to give him a moment to catch his breath, to understand that they won’t be forcing anything on him if he doesn’t want it. In other words, Sam and Cas need to give him space in order for Gabriel to understand that he’s the one in control now, that he doesn’t have to do what others say anymore.

Castiel agrees, so the two of them slowly walk towards the door. The angel is the first one to exit, while the human hesitates for a moment longer. He really doesn’t want to go, but he knows it’s for the best. That’s actually the only thought that pushes him out, turning off the light and closing the door behind himself. Before going, Cas has left the vial with Gabriel’s grace back on the dresser. Maybe, if the archangel feels like it, he can take it back on his own. Sam doubts it’s going to happen, but it’s still worth a try.

As soon as he’s out, Sam sits down with his back against the wall in front of the door. Even though he can’t be inside, it doesn’t mean he’s fine with leaving Gabriel alone. What if the archangel needs him and he’s not there to help? He can’t take that chance, not after all the time he spent thinking that Gabriel was dead.

“Sitting here won’t do either of you any good” Castiel tells him with a knowing tone. Sam shakes his head for a moment, averting his gaze. Cas is right, though. He needs to focus his attention on something else. Maybe, among the books in the library, there is one that talks about PTSD in celestial beings. It’s not very likely, but it’s still better than sitting there doing nothing.

“Okay, let’s go do some research.” With those words, Sam is once again on his feet and walking down the corridor towards the library. Castiel gives him once last concerned look before following him. The angel is probably worrying for him, but Sam can’t bring himself to care about it at the moment.

A few hours and a forced meal later, Sam is sitting at one of the tables in the library with several books in front of him. For now, none of them has been helpful. Most likely, none of them will be. At least this is what Cas keeps repeating, considering the research pretty useless. Sam, however, doesn’t want to listen to the angel. Castiel’s plan sounds stupid to him: Sam has to take care of himself, and in the meantime just sit down and wait for things to get better on their own. Sam, however, doesn’t agree. He has to keep his mind busy so that he would stop thinking about his past with Gabriel. He has to keep doing something, so that he wouldn’t feel like he’s failing the archangel all over again.

Concentrating on yet another useless book, Sam doesn’t even realize that Cas is no longer sitting at the other end of the table until he hears the angel call his name. From what he understands, Castiel’s voice is coming from the corridor where the bedrooms are located. Does it mean that something happened to Gabriel? With his heart pounding hard and fast enough to jump out of his chest, Sam runs towards Gabriel’s bedroom, only stopping the moment he can get a glimpse of what’s inside.

The archangel is still sitting in the same corner he was in when Sam walked out before. He hasn’t moved, with the exception that he’s now hugging his knees instead of holding his own head. The walls, however, are a whole different story. They’re covered in symbols that Sam can barely recognize as writings. It must be some kind of language he can’t read, probably Enochian. But what exactly are they? Did Gabriel write them? Has the archangel used them to ward his room in order to better protect himself?

“What is this?” Sam asks, hoping to receive a thorough answer form Cas “Is- Did he do this? Is it Enochian?”

“It’s his story” Cas starts to say, and Sam freezes for a moment. His story? Gabriel has been able to write his story on the walls? But how, if just a few hours ago he didn’t even remember who Sam and Cas were?

“It starts with his death. Or… what appeared to be his death.” Sam takes a moment to swallow before he gives Castiel his undivided attention. The symbols on the walls are Gabriel’s story since the moment he supposedly died. It means that the years of torture aren’t the only thing he remembers. He remembers the rest as well. Even the good things, maybe. He might remember Sam, after all.

“ _Per usual, my brother had double my brawn and half my brains. He assumed the counterfeit me was what vanished that night, and he thought that he’d stabbed the real thing. The truth is, the thing Luci skewered was a fake. There are plenty of fakes to go around. Everyone believed Gabriel was gone, and suddenly I was free. No obligation to God, or Heaven, or mankind._ ” Castiel is reading and Sam feels something slowly break inside his own body.

Gabriel faked his death when he fought against Lucifer. He’s been so good at it that even the Devil himself got fooled. This explains why Lucifer showed with pride the scene of Gabriel’s death to Sam over and over, during the time the human has spent inside the Cage with him. Gabriel faking his death, however, is a thought that Sam has been having since the moment Ketch appeared with the damaged archangel inside the bunker. Gabriel has probably faked his death, but was too weak after the fight to respond to Sam’s prayers, and before he was strong enough again, someone captured him and he’s been a prisoner since Ketch decided to free him. It sounds horrible, but at least it makes sense.

What Castiel is reading on the walls, however, doesn’t make any sense at all. Gabriel wasn’t injured in the fight against Lucifer. He was fine! But, with everyone thinking he died, he was free of any obligation. Does it mean that in that moment of time the archangel considered everything as an obligation to get free of? Did he think the same about Sam? Has their relationship meant nothing to the archangel? They’ve been in love for months, there is no way that Sam could have imagined Gabriel returning his feelings. The archangel has seemed so sincere, every time he told Sam how much he loved him. And now? Now Sam has proof that Gabriel has been lying to him.

“ _And so I did what anyone would do._ ” Castiel keeps reading, and Sam isn’t sure he wants to know what happened next. “ _I moved to Monte Carlo and shacked up with porn stars._ ”

Sam blinks, confused out of his mind. What the hell? Porn stars? He was crying himself to sleep every night, praying to Gabriel in hope he was alive, and the archangel was fucking porn stars in Monte Carlo? No, it can’t be true. The story Castiel is reading must be a lie. Sam can’t believe that Gabriel, _his_ Gabriel, would do something like this to him!

“Well, he goes on and on for quite a while about porn stars, and-” Castiel says, interrupting his reading. Sam doesn’t think he can hear anymore about that subject, so all he can bring himself to do is interrupt the angel.

“Cas, please” he says, hoping Cas would skip that part and go directly to the next one. The last thing he needs is to hear more details about Gabriel having the time of his life with someone else while Sam was mourning his death. His heart won’t take it.

“Okay. So Gabriel was captured, delivered to Asmodeus” Castiel summarizes, before he starts reading once again “ _For years I knew nothing but endless torture. Asmodeus, once the weakest of Hell’s Princes, grew strong by feeding on my grace._ ”

Hearing those words, Sam turns once again to stare at Gabriel. The archangel looks so small, so helpless. He’s really been through so much that the hunter can barely start to imagine it. He feels sorry for Gabriel, there is no doubt about that, but at the same time he’s mad at the archangel. Gabriel has been captured while he was enjoying himself with porn stars. Had he come back to Sam, it would have never happened. Sam would have never let anyone take him. Had he mentioned to Sam the fact that he was alive, the human would have searched the world for him, and he would have been rescued before Asmodeus could reduce him in that pathetic state.

“Well, obviously his intellect is intact” Castiel comments once he’s done reading the story on the walls. Yes, indeed his intellect is intact. Just thinking about it makes Sam even angrier. But he doesn’t want to get mad at Gabriel, because he knows it’s not going to help anyone. Therefore, he keeps the anger inside, and that rage quickly turns into pain. Learning that Gabriel preferred a bunch of whores to him is hurting like hell!

“Yeah. So why isn’t he talking to us?” Sam asks. This is another thing he can’t get past. If Gabriel really remembers everything, if his mind is still intact, why isn’t he talking? Can it be guilt over the way he treated Sam? Because, in Sam’s opinion, he should feel guilty. Of course, Gabriel deserves the guilt, but at the same time he doesn’t deserve everything else that’s happened to him. And Sam feels like a monster for mentally implying that the torture that the archangel had to endure may have been something he had coming.

“I don’t know. Maybe he can’t” Cas answers, but Sam doesn’t believe it’s true. If Gabriel is able to write his story on the walls, why shouldn’t he be able to talk? His lips are free now, he has the ability to speak again.

“Or maybe he’s choosing not to. Maybe he thinks it’s safer that way” Sam states. If this is true, it means that Gabriel prefers to stay silent because he doesn’t know how to talk to them, how to talk _to Sam_. Maybe the archangel is feeling guilty, after all. He doesn’t know how to apologize, maybe he doesn’t even want to, so staying silent is safer because this way he doesn’t have to say anything at all. Is he waiting for Sam’s unspoken questions lingering in the air between them to go away on their own? Maybe he is, and this thought alone is enough to hurt Sam even more.

“An angel can’t heal an archangel, but maybe I can try something to help” Castiel starts to say, but Sam has no idea what Cas can do at this point. If Gabriel is really choosing not to talk, there is no way they can force him to do it. Nevertheless, Castiel helps the archangel back on the bed and places a hand over his forehead. Sam can see that the angel is doing something to his older brother, even though he has no idea of what.

“I must reiterate, it’s not possible for an angel to heal an archangel. I’m just trying to jolt his mind into thinking straight” Cas says. In the meantime, Sam is pacing around the room. He’s anxious, and he’s not sure if he wants Castiel’s trick to work. If it doesn’t work, it means that Gabriel still won’t say a word. If it works, then the archangel might talk, and Sam doesn’t know if he wants to hear what Gabriel has to say. He still feels betrayed, so he’s conflicted between wanting Gabriel back and not wanting to hear the archangel’s reasons for abandoning him in the first place.

“Even then, Sam… Gabriel, it’s… it’s possible that he’s lost.” Sam takes a few seconds to truly assimilate what Cas is saying. If Gabriel’s subconscious is what wrote the story on the walls, and the archangel is actually still trapped inside his mind, then Cas may be right. He may not come back from this, he might not speak again.

For a moment, Sam forgets how to breathe. Gabriel is right there, sitting in front of him, but he’s not himself. The Trickster Sam fell in love with may be lost forever. The archangel might remain in a catatonic state for the rest of eternity. Finally taking a deep breath, Sam barely manages to keep himself from having a panic attack. He needs to be strong, he needs to do something to snap Gabriel out of that state. But what can a mere mortal do, when even an angel has failed? Sure, he shares a connection with Gabriel, but at this point he’s not even entirely sure that he really does anymore. If the archangel lied to him about something as important as being alive, maybe their connection doesn’t exist at all, maybe it has always been just inside Sam’s head.

He knows, however, that he should at least try. He asks Castiel to give him a few moments alone with Gabriel, but once the angel leaves the room he still doesn’t know what to say. Where should he begin? Sam sits down on a chair in front of the bed, and he keeps staring at the archangel. Gabriel is still sitting on the mattress hugging his knees, he hasn’t moved by an inch in the last several minutes.

It’s useless. Soon a few minutes become one hour, and Sam is still sitting there, looking at the archangel. His eyes are wet with unshed tears, but he tries his best not to let them fall. He wants to do something, say something, but still no words have formed inside his mind. After all, this is all pointless anyway. There is probably nothing that he could say that might shake the archangel.

With this thought in mind, Sam finally gives up. He stands up and turns towards the door, ready to leave the room, abandoning all hope of having Gabriel back to normal. He already has a hand on the door handle, when he suddenly stops. In a second, so many words rush into his mind. So many things he can say to Gabriel. After all, there is so much that he would like to tell the archangel. And if this is his last chance to do it, then he won’t let it go to waste.

“Gabriel, you have to dig yourself out of this hole. Look, I know you think it’s safer inside. No more torture, no more pain, no more expectations.” It pains him to say those words, but once he’s started he realizes that he can’t stop. Gabriel and Sam aren’t all that different, after all, and now that they also have the tortured-in-Hell experience to put them on the same level, there is no-one else who can understand Gabriel better than Sam. Of course the human doesn’t like the fact that some of the expectations the archangel is hiding from are his own, but he keeps talking anyway.

“I’ve been there. You were nothing like your family, you sure as hell weren’t like your Dad. Me neither. And just like you, I got out. Or I thought I got out. But then…” Sam starts talking once again, only stopping for a second when he feels like he needs to take a deep breath. Slowly, he walks towards the archangel while resuming his speech “Then my family needed me. And this is my life. No matter how many times I tried to fight it, this is what I was put here to do. This is where I make the world a better place!”

The more he talks, the more Sam can feel the hurt when he sees that Gabriel is not responding in any way. Should he stop? Maybe he’s wasting his voice, like talking to a wall. But now that he’s started, he wants to finish what he has to say. At least he’ll leave the room with a clean conscience, knowing that he’s tried anything he can.

“And sure, yeah, hookers in Monte Carlo sounds great,” Sam still can’t believe he’s saying something like that, that Gabriel has done something like that in the first place “but your family needs you. Jack, your nephew, needs you. The world needs you. _We_ need you.”

Sam knows what he should say next, but he’s not sure he has the strength to say it. He stops for a moment, his breath caught in his throat. He blinks back the tears, stopping them from falling out of his eyes. Then, with his voice almost breaking, he says the last part.

“Gabriel, _I_ need you!” Sam tries to put all of his feelings towards the archangel in those last words. He wants to add “I _love_ you” at the end, but he doesn’t manage to get those three words out. He’s sure, however, that if Gabriel is in there somewhere, he understood the subtext just fine. By the way the human said that he needs the archangel, he might as well have said that he loves him!

“So please, help us” is what Sam finally says, even though the words he’s thinking are a little different. “Help me. Please come back to me” is what he wants to say, but he keeps it to himself. He’s already said so much, and he doesn’t know how Gabriel might react. Maybe he’ll snap out of that state, maybe nothing will change. But Sam is afraid that saying too much might make things worse instead of making them better.

This doesn’t stop him, however, from fighting against himself to stop the tears from falling. He can’t cry, not while he’s still in the room with Gabriel. The archangel hurt him, betrayed him, probably even fooled him, but none of this can take away the way Sam feels about him. The hunter is in love with Gabriel, this much is certain. And right now all he cares about is to see the archangel back to normal, even though it would hurt. He’s not thinking about himself anymore. All he cares about is for Gabriel to get better, even though, at this point, he’s pretty sure it’s not going to happen.

More silence follows the end of his speech, and Sam just shakes his head. At least he can’t say he hasn’t tried! With his head bowed in defeat, the human turns around once again, ready to leave the room. He already has a hand on the door handle when he hears a voice from behind his back. A voice he feared he wasn’t going to hear ever again.

“Porn stars” is all that Gabriel says. After a moment of hesitation, Sam abruptly turns around once again. What the hell is Gabriel saying?

“They were porn stars, Sam” the archangel continues, and Sam understands. During his speech, he’s used the word “hookers”. Because, come on, for him it’s pretty much the same thing. Gabriel, however, seems to care a lot about the difference. As if it would change anything!

Hearing those words, Sam doesn’t know how to react. Part of him wants to cry, because Gabriel is finally back. The archangel has spoken to him, meaning that he’s fine, that he’s able to communicate again. That Sam can talk to him and receive a sentient reply. On the other hand, however, the only thing Gabriel has said is a correction for a term Sam used to talk about the porn stars. It means that the archangel probably cares more about his precious porn stars than he does about Sam, otherwise he would have said something – anything – else instead of that!

Conflicted, Sam doesn’t know if he should hug Gabriel or punch him in the face. When the archangel’s eyes shine blue with angelic power, however, all of the doubts leave Sam’s mind. He just falls on his knees and lets himself cry. He’s feeling an equal amount of sadness and happiness, to the point that he doesn’t know which one of those feelings is causing the tears. Crying, however, makes him feel a little better, lifting a weight from his chest, so he stops questioning his own actions and just keeps going.

“Sam?” The hunter keeps crying for a few minutes, until he hears Gabriel pronounce his name. When he lifts his head, he sees the archangel kneeling right in front of him. He finds himself unable to read the expression on Gabriel’s face, and once again he doesn’t know what to do. When the archangel slowly moves to hug him, Sam lets go and wraps his own arms around the smaller body.

“I missed you. I’m so glad you came back!” he states, because in that moment all he cares about is that Gabriel is himself again. He can leave the doubts and the uncertainties for later. Right now, he just wants to feel the warmth of Gabriel’s body against his own. He wants to bask in the joy of having his beloved archangel back.

“It’s okay, kiddo, it’s okay…” Gabriel tries to soothe him while caressing his back. Sam feels like he’s a terrible person for that: Gabriel is the one who needs comfort, yet he’s using what remains of his energies to make a stupid emotional human calm down. Sam should be stronger than this, he should be the one comforting Gabriel, telling the archangel that everything is going to be fine, not the other way around! But at the same time he knows that Gabriel is his weakness, and if he has to cry in the archangel’s arms in order to fight against his fear of losing Gabriel again, then that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

It takes Sam a few minutes before he can stand up again, looking like a normal human being. While Gabriel sits down on the bed once again, Sam calls Castiel and asks the angel to hurry back to the bedroom. The moment he arrives, Cas lets his gaze linger on Gabriel for several moments before he turns to stare at Sam.

“How did you do it?” he asks, and Sam just averts his gaze, blushing. He really prefers not to answer the question, so he moves towards the dresser on the other side of the room, where the vial with Gabriel’s grace still lies, and he picks it up.

“Now that he’s back, we can do something to help him heal, don’t you think?” is all that Sam says to Castiel. The angel glares at him with suspicion for a few seconds, but then he lets go and nods.

Sam hands the vial to Gabriel, who grabs it with a slow movement of his hand. A moment later the archangel is opening the vial and staring at its content, almost as if he’s not certain that he really wants to take his own grace back. Sam tries to smile at him in an encouraging way, until Gabriel sucks the grace back into his own body. When he’s done, he hands the empty vial to Castiel.

“Is it helping?” Cas asks. Sam would like to add “are you feeling more like yourself?” but he understands that such a question is not appropriate, considering the circumstances.

“I- I don’t know” Gabriel replies while shrugging. Sam likes to watch him move, because even his smaller gestures are almost entirely Gabriel again, from the way he moves his mouth while talking to his whole body language. Yes, the archangel currently sitting on the bed is more similar to the creature Sam met several years back; the one he fell in love with.

Before anyone can add something after Gabriel’s words, the silence in the room is interrupted by the vibration of Sam’s cellphone inside his pocket. He has no idea about who might be calling him. Maybe Rowena? Unlikely. A hunter in need of help? Yes, that’s maybe a little more likely, but he really hopes that’s not the case. He doesn’t have any time to deal with other people’s problems, not when he has a bruised archangel in his guest room.

“Hello” he answers the phone, putting the call on speaker. The voice coming out from the other side only has to say one word, “Samuel,” in order to make the hunter freeze. He knows the voice. Asmodeus.

Immediately, he turns towards Gabriel, a concerned expression on his face. The archangel looks terrified, already trying to curl on himself once again. The Prince of Hell’s voice is more than enough to scare him back into the mess he was the moment Ketch brought him to the bunker. No, Sam can’t let that happen. He won’t allow Gabriel to revert to that state. He would do anything is his power to protect Gabriel. He will stand in Asmodeus’ way with everything he’s got. No-one will ever touch the archangel again, least of all the last Prince of Hell.

“I hope you’re having a pleasant day. It’s come to my attention you boys have something that belongs to me, and I’d like it back” Asmodeus keeps talking, and Sam’s only desire is to shut him up. The demon needs to stop talking, because hearing his voice is making things so much worse for Gabriel, and Sam won’t have it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” he tries to say, finding it difficult to keep his rage at bay but still managing to do it somehow.

“Oh, I believe you do. And I’m gonna give you one chance to return him to me. No harm, no foul” the demon keeps trying, and Sam likes what he’s hearing even less. All he thinks about, however, is that Asmodeus should be delusional if he imagines Sam giving Gabriel back to him. There is nothing the Prince of Hell can say or do in order to convince the human to let go of his archangel. He will protect Gabriel, even if it’s the last thing he does.

“I’m hanging up” Sam states, knowing that there is nothing interesting that Asmodeus can tell him. No way he’s ever going to comply to the demon’s requests. He’s about to press the button on his phone to end the call, when the Prince of Hell speaks again.

“Do not hang up on me. Gabriel is of no use to you in his current condition” Asmodeus starts to say, and Sam’s hate towards him keeps growing. The demon is treating Gabriel like an object, some device that’s faulty or broken. And the worse part is that he’s implying that the Winchesters see the archangel in the same way he does. But he’s wrong. He’s so, so wrong. Maybe Dean can see Gabriel as a grace dispenser, but not Sam. To Sam, Gabriel means the world. It doesn’t matter if Gabriel is fine or if he’s broken, there is no way he’s ever going to let him go again.

“Should you choose to resist me,” the Prince of Hell continues, “I will have no choice but to take him by force. I will reduce you and that sad little bunker of yours to ashes. You got ten minutes to decide. Now you can hang up.”

While Asmodeus talks, Gabriel seems about to have a panic attack. Sam can’t allow it to happen. The moment the demon hangs up on him, Sam puts his phone away and stares at the archangel on the bed. Gabriel still looks terrible, not strong enough to protect himself. In addition to that, he’s still terrified of the demon who’s been his captor and torturer for years.

Castiel tries to calm him down, but a grounding touch from the angel is not enough to reassure him. It’s Sam’s turn, then. He sits on the bed and wraps his arms around the archangel, holding him close with a firm touch but at the same time not using too much strength so he won’t scare him. One of his hands goes immediately to Gabriel’s hair, caressing that unruly mass of filth.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let him touch you again.” Sam speaks with his voice calm and steady, certain about what he’s saying. That is because he can’t even contemplate an option where he’ll fail protecting Gabriel from Asmodeus. He doesn’t care if the Prince of Hell himself attacks the bunker to get to Gabriel. He’ll fight him himself, if necessary. They have the archangel blade, after all, and that sure is powerful enough to kill a Prince of Hell, considering that they don’t have the Colt anymore.

“Sam, the wards…” Castiel mentions, and Sam can only nod. Yes, the wards. The angel has no idea how to operate the bunker’s wards, so he has to be the one increasing the defenses of their hiding place.

“I’ll take care of them. Stay with Gabriel” he replies to the angel’s words. Slowly he stands up, taking his time to caress the archangel’s face while letting go of him. Then he walks out of the door, leaving Castiel to look after Gabriel. He trusts his angel friend with his own life, so he hopes he can also trust him with Gabriel’s.

A few minutes later, after working as fast as he can on the bunker’s warding, Sam walks back into Gabriel’s room. The archangel is still on the bed, massaging his temples with both hands. He doesn’t seem to be on the brink of a panic attack anymore, but he still isn’t fine either. Every time he sees the condition the archangel is in, Sam’s heart almost breaks. He knows he has to be strong, but he doesn’t know how long he can take it anymore. Gabriel is better than he was a few hours ago, when Sam first set his eyes on the archangel, and that’s a fact. But he still has a long way to go, and that’s a fact as well.

“Alright, I did what I could to help the bunker’s warding, but who knows if it’s enough. How’s he?” Sam is speaking to Castiel, hoping to hear good news coming from his friend. Maybe the angel can explain what Gabriel is doing, because by the way he touches his head, it looks like he has a bad headache and that’s something that Sam really doesn’t know how to stop.

“I don’t know” Cas replies, and he seems to be sincere. It means that neither of them has the slightest idea of what they should be doing to help Gabriel. One thing is for sure, though: even if he doesn’t know what to do, Sam will still try anything to help.

All of a sudden, Gabriel stops massaging his own head and stares in front of himself with fear. Something is scaring him, but Sam doesn’t have the time to think about what it is, because a moment later the lights start to flicker. It means that something is wrong, and that Gabriel sensed it before Castiel or himself did. Sam is asking himself what’s happening, when the lights go red. Someone has triggered the bunker’s warding, and it can only mean one thing: Asmodeus is really coming.

He’s coming for Gabriel, and there is no way Sam will let him have the archangel. He’ll find the demon himself and cut him into pieces. He’ll destroy that bastard, make him pay for what he did to Gabriel. The archangel is in full panic mode, but now Sam can’t think about comforting him. All he thinks about is protecting him. That’s why he runs out of the room, hoping that Castiel would stay back and keep the archangel calm while he’s outside looking for any intruders.

The angel, however, is not staying back. Cas is following him along the corridor he’s crossing, both of them with angel blades in their hands. Sam also has the archangel blade on him, but he doesn’t want to take it out so soon, because he doesn’t want to take the risk of Asmodeus stealing it back. He prefers to keep it as a secret weapon to reveal at the last second.

The bunker’s alarm is echoing all around them, while the wards on the walls are glowing, obviously failing. Sam is tense, walking around his own home as if he’s on a battleground. He needs to stay focused on the situation, in order to be ready to react to any enemies coming out of nowhere. However, he doesn’t meet anyone. He keeps on walking, Castiel by his side, but no-one is around.

When they reach the war room, the wards stop glowing on the walls. That’s a pretty bad sign, and Sam doesn’t even have the time to fully realize what it means that two demons come from behind, attacking both Sam and Castiel. The two keep fighting, but Sam struggles to keep his concentration. If the wards have failed, if normal demons are inside the bunker, it means that there might be more snooping around. It means that they might have already found Gabriel. The archangel may be in danger right now, and Sam is stuck in the war room fighting demons when he could be in Gabriel’s bedroom protecting the archangel.

He’s made a mistake. Leaving Gabriel was a mistake. With a quick move, he kills the demon he’s fighting, but before he can take a single step to go back to Gabriel, another enemy jumps out of nowhere and tackles him to the ground. It takes Castiel’s help to neutralize that one. Too distracted with thoughts of Gabriel, Sam is not able to fight anymore. So, after standing up once again, he has to thank the angel for saving his life.

They both look around, searching for more demons, but Sam’s body is already angling itself towards the direction he really wants to run to. He wants to reach Gabriel, make sure that he’s okay. Sam, however, can’t move a single step, because Asmodeus is now in the war room with them, and all he needs is a flick of his hand in order to send both Sam and Cas flying. They hit the machines along the walls pretty hard, and even though the hunter tries to get back up immediately, he realizes that he can’t move freely.

“Your warding wasn’t designed for the likes of me, Samuel” Asmodeus states. That’s not entirely accurate. The bunker’s warding can keep any demon out, but not an archangel. Maybe this is why he can disable the warding: because he’s been feeding on Gabriel’s grace. Another reason for Sam to hate him even more. He’s been growing stronger by making Gabriel weaker, something that the human really can’t seem to accept.

“I’ve come to claim what’s mine” the demons says, and Sam immediately turns his head towards the corridor leading to the bedrooms. A few moments later, two demons come out of it while dragging along a terrified Gabriel.

The archangel still isn’t back at full power, but he should be strong enough to fight them. He should be strong enough to defeat them. Years of captivity and torture, however, have made him easy to scare. He’s too afraid of the demons, too afraid of Asmodeus, to even react. Sam whishes he could do something to change it, but it’s out of his league. He’s trapped on the floor, powerless in front of the Prince of Hell. He has no way to stop the demons from taking Gabriel, and Castiel is in the same situation. Neither of them can do a single thing to help the archangel. Sam, however, is not ready to give up. He’s vowed that he’ll never let Asmodeus take Gabriel back, and he intends to keep his promise.

“Oh, I missed you, boy. I’m gonna have to punish you rather severely, I’m afraid.” This time Asmodeus is talking to Gabriel, and the archangel can’t do anything more than tremble with fear and whimper. His terrified look turns towards Sam, as if the archangel is begging for the hunter’s help, and the human’s heart aches at that sight. He needs to move, he needs to get to Gabriel. He struggles against the demon’s powers keeping him down, but nothing happens.

“I’m going to kill you! Let him go, now!” Sam mentally yells towards the Prince of Hell, because he finds himself unable to even speak. That bastard is forcing him to watch while demons take his archangel away from him, and there is absolutely nothing Sam can do to stop them.

“And as for you two…” Asmodeus is now in front of Sam and Castiel, a sadistic look on his face.

It only takes a small movement of the demon’s hands, and pain explodes inside Sam. Judging by the sounds that Cas is making, he understands that the angel is hurting as bad as he is. The more he tries to move, the more the invisible grip the demon has on him strengthens. Soon he finds that breathing has become harder, but at least he can still think straight. The thought of filthy demon hands dragging Gabriel away keeps him focused, preventing him from passing out because of the pain.

“Gabriel…” he calls inside his head “You can fight them, Gabriel. Fight them and run!” Sam prays to the archangel, hoping that Gabriel will hear him.

Sam knows that he and Cas can somehow manage to get past this. In the end, they always do. But Gabriel? Gabriel won’t survive another imprisonment in Hell. He needs to run away, to think of himself and save his own life. It’s all Sam can think about. Gabriel needs to leave them there and go. Run away, before it’s too late. And the hunter is trying to communicate with the archangel through prayer, telling him to save himself.

The demon’s hold on Sam and Castiel gets stronger. The human now can’t breathe anymore. In that moment he realizes that he won’t be able to stay awake for long, soon he’ll pass out. But he wants to make sure that Gabriel is safe before he does. So he keeps staring at the archangel, repeating his name inside his head. He doesn’t have the strength to do more than that, more than thinking “ _Gabriel… Gabriel… Gabriel…_ ”

It’s not working though. The wicked smirk on Asmodeus’ face means trouble for Sam and Cas, the human is well aware of it. The demons have already dragged Gabriel to the top of the stairs. And soon they’ll be out of the door. If they take the archangel out of the bunker, he’ll be lost to Sam once again. He is a Winchester, and the Winchesters always save the day somehow, yet this time there is nothing that Sam can do. He tries to take a deep breath, but nothing comes in. That’s it, he’s going to die.

Then, all of a sudden, something changes. Gabriel has heard his prayers. His eyes shine blue, and he throws the demons holding him over the banister. Sam can see their bodies hitting the ground without standing back up. It means that the archangel also did something else to them, he’s probably killed them somehow. Asmodeus turns around immediately, trying to scare Gabriel back into behaving, but it doesn’t work. Sam can’t believe his own eyes.

The human tries to keep his eyes from closing, staring at Gabriel while he heals himself. A moment later, the archangel stands proud and powerful at the top of the stairs, still wearing rags but now clean and completely healed. The shadow of his wings appears on the wall behind him, and it’s amazing. It’s the first time Sam’s able to get a glimpse of Gabriel’s wings, if he doesn’t count when Lucifer showed him those same wings scorched on the floor of the Elysian Fields. On the contrary of those of the regular angels, Gabriel’s wings are whole, probably perfectly functioning. It means he can fly. He can get away easily, save himself.

But that’s not what he does. He keeps standing there, staring at Asmodeus with hate. The demon throws a sphere of energy towards him, and Gabriel only needs a hand to deflect it. Now even the Prince of Hell is starting to realize that the archangel is back to his former self, and there’s nothing a stupid demon can do against him. With Asmodeus’ concentration focused on Gabriel, Sam and Castiel can finally move again a little. The human, however, is still in so much pain that he doesn’t dare to stand up yet. He just takes the time to catch his breath, while his mesmerized look is focused on this beloved archangel.

If he wasn’t in so much pain, Sam would laugh at the way Gabriel talks Asmodeus down, making fun of his suit. Then, when the archangel’s eyes shine blue once again, Sam can’t stop himself from grinning. Gabriel is using his newly found power to take Asmodeus down once and for all. It’s with great satisfaction that Sam watches the last Prince of Hell burn alive right in front of him. When the fire gets too intense to look at, however, he has to use his left arm to cover his own eyes. Notwithstanding this, he’s still able to understand the exact moment Asmodeus dies, because the last of his power on Sam and Castiel disappears, allowing the hunter to be once again in complete control of himself.

It’s done, Gabriel is finally free. And the archangel has saved their lives as well, something that Sam will never be able to forget. He smiles with gratitude and affection, hoping that Gabriel would understand what he doesn’t have the strength to say out loud. “Thank you, I love you” is what Sam would like to say, and he tries to communicate those feelings to the archangel using his eyes.

Gabriel walks down the stairs until he’s standing in front of Sam and Castiel, and he helps them both to get back on their feet. He’s smiling when each of them takes one of his hands. It takes a few seconds before everyone is finally standing in a pretty steady way. It’s only when this is accomplished that Gabriel talks again.

“Now, can anyone tell me what the hell did I miss?” the archangel asks, and Sam knows it’s time to catch him up on what’s happening. Now that Gabriel is completely himself again, he’ll be able to help. He’ll help them get Dean, mom and Jack back from Apocalypse World. He’ll help them defeat Lucifer and Michael. He’ll finally be entirely on their side.

Sam is certain that Gabriel will stand up for their cause, for them, for _him_. He’s full of hope for the future when he tells the story of what’s happened in the last couple of years, with Castiel helping him when he feels his throat too raw to keep talking. Gabriel seems surprised while he listens to their story, but he mostly stays quiet. He only lets out a few comments here and there, but nothing that may bring them off topic, so Sam and Cas are always able to resume their storytelling without much of an interruption.

“Woah, too much information” Gabriel states at some point, when Sam and Cas are trying to explain everything they can about the other dimension, where their loved ones are currently trapped. “Okay, slow down. I’m not… processing” Gabriel comments, because of course it’s quite a lot to digest all at once, Sam is well aware of it himself. But at the same time he knows that they can’t sugarcoat the truth in any way, not this time.

“And there’s more” Castiel resumes from where they’ve left “Michael wants to come to this Earth and destroy it, and we may need your help to fight him.”

“What?” Gabriel asks, perplexed. Sam knows, however, that there’s no way he’s going to say no.

“Yeah. Welcome to the team!” the hunter says with a smile. He’s so glad to have Gabriel on their side!

“Uh… yeah… not so much. I mean, thank you for the rescue, and for the redemption arc, but… I’m not really a team guy. So… I’m gonna bounce, okay? But, you know, it’s been… What’s the opposite of fun? That!” is all that comes out of Gabriel’s mouth. In the meantime, the archangel is standing up from his sitting position, and he’s slowly moving towards the exit.

Does it mean that Sam’s idea of Gabriel helping them has been wrong? Is the archangel really going to leave them here without so much of an explanation? Is he really going to abandon Sam again, after everything that the human has done to get him back to normal? Sam was sure that Gabriel snapped out of his fear of Asmodeus because of his prayers, because he wanted to save the lives of those he cared about, but what if he’s been wrong the whole time? What if Gabriel doesn’t really care about them, about _him_ at all?

After all, eight years ago Gabriel faked his death and disappeared. Sam mourned his loss, while Gabriel was enjoying himself with porn stars. Nothing has changed, then. Sam is still ready to throw himself at the archangel, to tell him how much he loves him, and Gabriel is ready to turn his back on Sam and leave. How is it possible? How can Gabriel not care about breaking Sam’s heart?

Maybe he doesn’t want to leave, maybe he’s just scared. Even at his full power, after all, Gabriel has never been the bravest creature in the universe. He’s always been the one who runs away from problems instead of facing them. Is this what he’s doing once again? Instead of facing Sam and the feelings the human has for him, he’s choosing to leave? Instead of stepping up and protecting his loved ones from the rest of his family, he’s choosing to hide and let someone else handle the problem?

“No, Gabriel, don’t. You- you can’t just walk away. If Michael come here, he will end this world” Sam tries to make the archangel understand that he can’t walk away from this. Not this time. It’s not just about Sam and the way he feels anymore, this time they really need him. They need him to protect a world that they can’t protect themselves.

“And the last time the world was ending, I put my money on you. I think you can pull it off again.” Gabriel’s words are like a punch in Sam’s stomach. They’re yet another demonstration that the archangel doesn’t care enough to stay and fight. He’s been through hell and back, Sam knows it better than anyone else, but there’s always a difference between needing some time in order to get his act together and basically saying that whatever’s happening is not his problem.

“No” Castiel pitches in, making Gabriel stop. “You cannot turn your back on your Father’s creation!” This is enough to make the archangel turn towards them once again.

“Castiel… my Father turned his back on his creation. Guess it just runs in the family” Gabriel replies. Castiel’s attempt to reason with the archangel has failed, then. If he’s not going to stay when they ask him nicely, and he’s not going to stay when they try to work on his guilt, there’s not much left for them to try. Actually, only one thing is left. Begging.

“No, Gabriel, please-” Sam says, but he can’t even finish the sentence. “I need you, I _love_ you, please stay with me” is what the human wants to say next, but he doesn’t have time to say it. That’s because, with a flutter of wings, Gabriel is gone. That’s enough to finish breaking Sam’s heart.

He shakes his head, still trying to understand what’s happened. He still can’t believe that Gabriel’s gone. Again. This time, the archangel has run away from him. He hasn’t even let Sam finish to say why he wanted Gabriel to stay. The human would really like to cry right now, and he’s even contemplating the idea of doing it in front of Castiel. After all, Gabriel is gone, so nothing matters anymore. Even if Dean can manage to save mom and Jack, to bring them back home, they’re all screwed. There’s not much that they can do without Gabriel.

And Sam, on a more personal lever, has lost his reason to fight. Finding Gabriel again has been a dream come true for Sam. Everything he’s ever wanted. Now, with the archangel once again far away, he can’t even think straight anymore. Michael is going to kill them all, and he’s never going to have another chance to make things work with Gabriel. The archangel has betrayed his trust, and Sam’s heart is shattered.

He’s still standing there, broken, when Dean comes back and the rift closes behind him. His brother is alone, no-one else has come back with him. What does it mean? Does it mean Ketch died in the other dimension? Does it mean they haven’t found mom and Jack? Sam has been hoping for some good news, but Dean coming back alone probably means more bad news instead. At least his brother is safe, but they’re no closer to saving their loved ones than they were a few days ago. Actually, now they might be even farther away, considering that they don’t even know where to find an archangel’s grace anymore. They will probably have to revert back to their original plan of taking Lucifer’s grace, but it won’t be easy.

Following Sam’s quick yet long series of questions, Dean starts updating him on the situation. This is how Sam finds out that mom and Jack are not Michael’s prisoners, but their whereabouts are still a mystery. Ketch has decided to stay behind and look for them with Charlie, because apparently the other universe has a Charlie Bradbury as well. He’s still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Charlie is still alive in the other dimension – because of course, in a world where the Winchester brothers were never born, they also were never there to get her killed – when Dean starts asking questions about the dead demons scattered around the room. It’s time for Sam and Cas to explain what happened, and the hunter knows that his brother is not going to like what they have to tell him.

“There was a demon incursion led by Asmodeus” Castiel explains, leaving Dean even more confused.

“Sorry, Asmodeus got in here?” the older Winchester asks, incredulous. Sam, however, is afraid about how Dean could react to his next explanation.

“Yeah, and- and- and Gabriel killed him” Sam says, a small smile on his face. How can he tell his brother that Gabriel is gone, though?

“Gabriel? That’s great. So he’s back. Where is he?” Dean looks around, probably perplexed because of the expressions on Sam and Castiel’s faces. Cas looks like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world than here to explain to Dean that Gabriel is gone, and Sam feels exactly the same way.

“He just left” Cas finally says, taking the burden of the explanation from Sam.

“What do you mean _he left_?” Dean’s confusion is starting to turn into anger, and Sam doesn’t know how to face it. Not this time.

He lets Castiel talk, hoping the angel could get his brother to stay calm, because Sam knows he won’t be able to do it. Dean will never listen to Sam, not given the situation. He confessed to his brother his love for the archangel, Dean made a sacrifice leaving him behind to take care of Gabriel while knowing he could count on Sam, and how has Sam repaid him? Letting the archangel get away. Dean has trusted Sam with the task of getting Gabriel back to normal, and he once again has let his brother down. And now he has Dean’s disappointment to live with, in addition to the feeling of abandonment that’s haunting him since the moment the archangel has left the bunker.

Cas explains the situation and, just like Sam imagined, Dean gets furious. He’s visibly mad at Gabriel for turning his back on them, and at the same time he’s probably even more mad at Sam. Dean has never liked Sam’s habit of trusting what the older Winchester considers monsters. He has never liked the fact that Sam has had relationships with those monsters. Most of the times, Dean has ended up being right about those creatures. Ruby is just one of the possible examples. But with Gabriel, Sam has been so sure. He knew he was right, when he thought that he and Gabriel could be together again. Now, he understands he’s been and idiot. His brother has every right to be angry, he even has every right to punch Sam in the face if he wants to. Sam won’t stop him, because this time he knows he deserves it. That’s why he is the one to answer when Dean inquires about Gabriel’s grace.

Dean’s reaction is worse than what Sam imagined. His brother yells, and throws things. He’s basically continuing the work of destroying the room that their fight against the demons has started. Sam doesn’t know what to say, because he’s sure that nothing coming out of his mouth can be of help right now. Once again, Castiel is the one doing the talking, and Sam couldn’t be more grateful for that.

“Dean. We will find Gabriel. We will” Cas says, and Sam can only hope the angel is right.

“We better” Dean replies. He sounds entirely focused on the task at hand, and Sam fears what his brother might do to Gabriel once they find him. When he’s that angry, Dean can be a danger even for an archangel.

It leaves Sam and Cas to put together a plan to find Gabriel before Dean could do something stupid, even though Sam is well aware of the fact that it won’t be easy. Gabriel is still an archangel, after all, and if he doesn’t want to be found there is no way a human and a seraph alone could trace him – especially considering that Gabriel can fly and Castiel can’t. Notwithstanding this, Sam has to put away his own feelings of sadness and betrayal, and concentrate on bringing Gabriel back. Even if it’s likely that nothing else will ever happen between the two of them. Not anymore.


End file.
